schnoodle: (Default)
I have my RSA assessment this morning. I'm really worried about it, I'm worried that they're going to give me shit. The job centre told me to apply, there are so many things stressing me out at the moment. My wife is suffering a lot mentally, these assessments are helping her she worries about work, me, the future and further treatments. We had a good talk as she said she just wanted to die, she wishes she'd not found that lump and now she's now be dead as it was solve a lot of problems. I then need to pull her back and make her feel more positive again.
I don't know what to do, it feels like we're standing still and that's not an easy thing to do.
schnoodle: (Default)
My wife told me earlier that she's heard from some "people" I just don't understand what she's going through because I was asking her if she'd had enough time to rest. Maybe it's a male/female communication thing by asking how you feeling? Have you rested enough? Is me asking do you need more or less rest? Not I'm tired of you resting I think you're making the fatigue up, shift your ass now!

I found this very insulting considering everything we've been through and I do mean we. Ok I don't have cancer, I don't have large breasts, I'm not a woman, I don't have periods, and they'll be many things I don't understand but to say I don't understand what she's going through pissed me right off.

I said I have always been, I have gone through all the emotions, supported her, just everything and to say I don't understand. I replied I know better than anyone! Anyone that says otherwise is just trying to make themselves look big and smart. I mean that's a bit like me asking if she's ok? And having my head bitten off because she still has cancer!

Anyway she said sorry and she knows I hate her now and she's a massive cunt. That pissed me off. I said I didn't say that and wouldn't say that but she was pissing me off by putting words into my mouth. I didn't hate her and I've never called her a cunt!

Asking how she was feeling is me caring. I have to admit I did feel like walking off at that moment and saying fuck this shit, but I didn't because I know she's just frustrated but still I have enough going on without extra crap being added.

I'm worried about a few assessments that will be taking place soon next week Monday, my wife has social services coming over to see how they can help. Thursday as well as voting we have the PIP people coming over and the following Monday I have a health assessment for ESA. All this stress I could do without.

So we'll see.

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schnoodle

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