schnoodle: (Default)
Yesterday's meeting with the ESA assessment people went ok, the lady said I shouldn't tell you this my I think no you have good reasons for not being able to work at the moment and you sound like you're going through a lot ATM. My wife has really been stressing me out and I've not really been able to work out what it actually is. Last night it clicked, I'm am very much dealing with the here and now, taking each day as it comes. My wife isn't, she's planning the future - leaving her job, moving house, going to university. This is great but she's not actually dealing with what is actually happening, I'm getting more and more stressed dealing with the important things that need to be done and she's not really helping with that. The planning is just adding more to my and she's can't understand why.
I explained it like this if your at work, generally you work time off especially if you have a busy work place then go to the travel agent and book the holiday. She's trying to do it the other way round to book and plan things and hoping it doesn't mess with anyone or anything else. There can be a lot of problems and extra stressed cause but not finding out things beforehand. I said to her I'm not trying to get negative or not committal but you're planning all these things and thinking life will be great, However you might end up making things worse and we could loose everything.
Sure we can move to somewhere cheaper to live and get a lesser mortgage, get a degree but if we both out of work we might loss a house even if it is cheaper.
There are too much unanswered questions, she still is a cancer patient and she doesn't know about further treatments. I feel like I'm shitting on her dreams but she needs to but in the real world and sometimes we can't just do what we want.

St the end of the day there are too many things currently beyond my control and I can do nothing about. I don't even have a job because things are beyond my control how she things we can do these things if neither of us is working.
schnoodle: (Default)
I have my RSA assessment this morning. I'm really worried about it, I'm worried that they're going to give me shit. The job centre told me to apply, there are so many things stressing me out at the moment. My wife is suffering a lot mentally, these assessments are helping her she worries about work, me, the future and further treatments. We had a good talk as she said she just wanted to die, she wishes she'd not found that lump and now she's now be dead as it was solve a lot of problems. I then need to pull her back and make her feel more positive again.
I don't know what to do, it feels like we're standing still and that's not an easy thing to do.
schnoodle: (Default)
My wife told me earlier that she's heard from some "people" I just don't understand what she's going through because I was asking her if she'd had enough time to rest. Maybe it's a male/female communication thing by asking how you feeling? Have you rested enough? Is me asking do you need more or less rest? Not I'm tired of you resting I think you're making the fatigue up, shift your ass now!

I found this very insulting considering everything we've been through and I do mean we. Ok I don't have cancer, I don't have large breasts, I'm not a woman, I don't have periods, and they'll be many things I don't understand but to say I don't understand what she's going through pissed me right off.

I said I have always been, I have gone through all the emotions, supported her, just everything and to say I don't understand. I replied I know better than anyone! Anyone that says otherwise is just trying to make themselves look big and smart. I mean that's a bit like me asking if she's ok? And having my head bitten off because she still has cancer!

Anyway she said sorry and she knows I hate her now and she's a massive cunt. That pissed me off. I said I didn't say that and wouldn't say that but she was pissing me off by putting words into my mouth. I didn't hate her and I've never called her a cunt!

Asking how she was feeling is me caring. I have to admit I did feel like walking off at that moment and saying fuck this shit, but I didn't because I know she's just frustrated but still I have enough going on without extra crap being added.

I'm worried about a few assessments that will be taking place soon next week Monday, my wife has social services coming over to see how they can help. Thursday as well as voting we have the PIP people coming over and the following Monday I have a health assessment for ESA. All this stress I could do without.

So we'll see.

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schnoodle

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