schnoodle: (Default)
I had my 5th counselling session on Monday, the counsellor was worried because my results of my questionnaire showed signs of being suicidal. I said I didn't know about that but I was certainly fed up, and pissed off, she asked me to explain further. I explained that on the Saturday I'd gone into London with my wife to have her gastric band adjusted and I kept getting emails and a call from my mum regarding her cat she'd not seen for 4 days. She sent me a missing cat poster which I had to redo because she'd put too much information on there. Like he's a lovely cat and I've spent my time looking since Tuesday etc. So I had to redo it by simplifying it and adding things like MISSING CAT and a phone number and removing all of things she'd done. I Said no one interested, all their interested in is what the cat looks like when it went missing, where it went missing and contact number. Anyway I did this all on my phone. I said I'd pop over there to help her look and to hand out these posters. So we got back from London early especially and I go other there. To be greeted by my mum asked why I hadn't printed the posters off, I'm like I've been in London all day and I emailed you the poster so you could print it! She then told me her printer hasn't been used in like 6 years. I'm like when I don't have any ink in my printer so I'll have to do it later and so it wasn't a wasted trip I would help her look for the cat. So we looked and couldn't find him, my mum spoke to a random neighbor who she was convinced had stolen her cat.
Anyway here's the bit that upset me, back at hers I asked if she was ok and she lose it completely at me, everything was my fault, she's old and can't do anything. She'd asked me to replace some of her flooring and I hadn't done it, everything with me is conditional, I don't care, all I want is her money. I was like ???? What the hell? I'm like what are you on about? I've helped you do the poster? I've come around to help you look for your cat? You offered me money for new printer cartridges which I accepted. You have offered me money to help me out. I haven't asked for the money. I'm very grateful but it's not my fault. She replied I shouldn't accept what's been offered! I'm like what offer then?
As for the floor I wasn't confident enough to do the floor at the time and as for being old and not able to do anything that's not my fault either. I pointed out that she has more then one son, she just said my brother was next to useless and she never bothers him.
I stood my ground and just said your upset about your cat but that's no reason to take it all out on me! She replied who else am I going to take it out on. Anyway in the end she said she was sorry and she loved me.
The following day she called and said I need you to arrange an appointment at the vets and I need you to take me because about 30 minutes after I left her car came back.
So on the Monday I did, I was still however really cross with her, because going through enough shit at the moment and I don't need adding to it especially over her cat.
My mum apologised again and said that she was really sorry I said that she'd really hurt me and that I'd been feeling down all weekend because of it and she should understand what I'm going through and accept my help and not cause me more problems. The counsellor said I've done very well and I had actually stood up for myself that this was a good step good progress and I said that with my mother I can be quite direct and open again with everything else it's not something I feel I have to deal with. The counsellor said I was emotionally vulnerable at the moment and my mother was playing the victim, to make me do things for her and that again I'd done really well. I said I had stood up to her but emotionally it was too much. She said I was a good problem solver and I had a rational brain.
I was a bit annoyed because talking about this experience took pretty much the whole session and it wasn't something I wanted to take about considering how much sessions I have left. The counsellor said it was good because it gave her another insight into how much mind works and the relationship with my mother.


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